It's VIJEV, and April has brought a refreshing coolness to the Southern Hemisphere. What better time to discuss self-reflection? Despite our relentless pursuit to uncover the world's mysteries, we often neglect the most crucial mystery of all – discovering ourselves. This unexplored territory holds the key to our identity.
In this video, I speak to Deepak John and Naledi King about discovering ourselves and using the tools available to understand it, and we go through their methodologies of uncovering problems in our lives. You then find the connection that reveals who you need to be and let go of the idea of what you thought you needed to be.
From birth, we absorb knowledge from our surroundings, and with our instincts, we craft a vision of the life we aspire to live. However, external factors beyond our control sometimes impose an alternative path. War, family, toxic friendships, societal pressures, and work are just a few examples of circumstances that may divert us from our potential.
It's only upon recognizing that we are in "survival mode" rather than "discovery mode", that we can shift our perspective. We have followed the lessons we've been taught, so we must forgive ourselves for not knowing better and for those around us who meant well but didn’t know either. Indeed, it is through adversity and pain that we ultimately awaken to our true selves.
What is the authentic self?
It is an unknown and mysterious part of discovering the self. There is no destination, merely an experience as you unpack the gift in front of you as you await your surprise. The authentic self is your real you. The one that no one else can find, except you. You can only find it when it's forged with your courage and painfully acknowledged and understood.
We need a way to know the where and why. We don’t need “the what” for now.
It’s like being an archaeologist. You dig and reveal the bones underneath. You may not even know what the bones look like. What you know as an authentic person is… the bones are there.
To look is to take a set of actions to understand where you are currently.
Your Awareness - Do you really know where you are? The pain indicates how far you are straying from your true self. This is the analogy of drowning. You may be drowning, and your instinct is to thrash at the water. You can’t understand why it’s not working. The worst of all… you are not **aware** that you are drowning. The best remedy is to follow these 2 areas to uncover your pain and understand why you are drowning.
1. The world you see, is who you are. If you are loving, you will see loving people. If you are hateful, you will see hate. See what you are really seeing in the world.
2. Look directly and acknowledge the way you react to your triggers. What makes you angry? Sad. Shame. Frustration. Understand and study it head-on. What makes you anxious about the past or the future all the time? If you are not in the present, you will not be able to solve the problems you really have. Coming to terms with it is the best way to find your present self.
Once you build the basic awareness, you begin to realize that it is only YOU who can fix it. This is where you take responsibility for your life and actions. Then you can start working on the framework to build up your life.
1. Physical - Do physical things to move your body that gets your blood flowing. Even better, doing something you enjoy that moves your body. For me, it’s strength/weight training. This form of exercise has allowed me to become fitter and physically stronger. A strong body provides the framework for the next important part. Your mind.
2. Mental / Emotional - These are exercises to get your mind fit. It can be in the form of meditation or breathing exercises that helps your mind disconnect when necessary and help you focus on what’s important. It can also be a form of connection where you can enjoy the company of the people you love, spend time with your family, etc. I discovered stand-up comedy. What better way is there to connect with people, and make them laugh? During peak Covid, while we were in lockdown, I learnt how to draw and use upcoming art tools where I discovered Midjourney for AI art.
3. Nutritional - What you eat matters. When you also eat matters. Understand your body and find out what makes it work and what foods can harm you. I found out that excessive sugar and dairy cause problems. I had issues with allergies and gut pains. I needed to take medication to treat it. When I simply changed my diet, it was no longer an issue. You will save yourself so much time and energy when you feed your body right. One size doesn’t fit all so this is something you have to find out and test for yourself.
4. Intellectual - This is where you do the things that tickle your mind. Something that gets the brain to work. Even better. Do something that you enjoy. In my case, it’s writing and diving deep into one of my favourite past-times - Science Fiction. Imaging new worlds creatively allows me to tell stories and help build worlds that never existed.
Finally, in the chat, we get introduced to a concept called “The Drama Triangle”, which is explained by Naledi King in the video. The Drama Triangle, a concept first introduced by psychologist Stephen Karpman in 1968, is a model of social interaction that reveals the interplay of three distinct roles: Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. In this dynamic, participants may switch roles within the triangle, perpetuating a cycle of drama, conflict, and negative emotions. The concept aims to help individuals identify and break free from these unhealthy patterns, thus enabling them to shift from a victim mentality to a creator mindset. The concepts are further explained quite well by Dr Amy E. Keller and the image shows you where you might be in your mindset.
When you get through these basics, the connection with yourself becomes stronger and clearer. The only way to improve and grow is to consistently work on this and you will keep uncovering magic about yourself. Trust your instincts. Let it guide you. The journey is only the beginning when your first discover this, and you begin to explore.